The first book I bought on the topic of writing made very clear I should never tell and always show. What was much harder for me to understand was what made a sentence/paragraph telling and what I should do to change it? To compound the problem, sometimes it’s not possible to show. If you are constrained on word count or if the pacing doesn’t allow it, it’s better to tell.
Thoroughly confused yet? So was I.
This rule is more of a guideline. Showing is always better, but telling is not a deadly sin. It depends on what you are writing.
Let us assume our main character John walks down an alley at night. Which of these sounds better?
John was afraid. He walked down the alley.
or
John wiped his sweaty hands on his jeans. The hair on the nape of his neck stood up. He swallowed hard even though his mouth was already dry. At the sound of a glass bottle skidding across the concrete, he ducked behind a dumpster, his back flattened against the rough bricks of the next building. When he saw that a stray cat had caused the bottle to fall over, he peeled himself off the wall and walked on, cautious, ready lunge into the shadows immediately.
I assume you chose the second option. I would, too. Why? Because the longer version shows us what is going on with John. We can feel his terror, his nervousness. We know he is afraid without the word being mentioned once. There is a better sense of urgency and tension. If he is that terrified, and he keeps walking anyway, what John is after must be very important to him. You don’t get that feeling from the first version at all.
Showing is also a great way to convey emotions, which I will mention in more detail later.
As great as showing is, if you’re trying to stay within the boundaries of a certain word count, you can only do so much of that before you end up with a novella even though you needed a piece of flash fiction. In that case, still try to show, but make it brief. In the above example, skip the cat and the bottle. Sweaty hands and dry throat might have to suffice to demonstrate that he is scared.
You also don’t want to show too much if it does not fit the plot. Let’s say John meets undercover detective Bob in a bar. They are discussing how to rescue Mary from the clutches of a gangster. The tension should focus on Mary in peril, the possibility of Bob getting found out, and plans for rescue. Not so much on Fred the barkeeper who serves them a drink, especially if Fred never shows up in the plot again.
